Hold Me
by AliciaReneeWriter
Summary: A one-shot; set during season 9. Episode: 'Undercover'. Olivia is struggling in the aftermath of being sexually assaulted. After finally revealing the truth to Elliot, she only has one request: "Hold me."


**Greetings humans!**

 **I've returned with another one-shot. I got the idea when I was watching a clip from 'Undercover' the other day. I asked on Twitter if Elliot had ever really found out what happened to Olivia in the basement, to which the response was 'no'. So, the idea came to do a one-shot as if he had found out. I also listened to a song called 'Hold Me' by a singer named Janine; great song and it does go well with this one shot.**

 **I don't own the characters (be nice if I did tho.)**

 **Enjoy xoxo**

* * *

 **Hold Me [One-Shot]**

She stared at the picture of one of the worst, most vile men she had ever encountered. His lips were in a straight line, yet a sinister look in his brown eyes.

She couldn't stop staring at it.

It had been a whirlwind twenty-four hours. They'd had him in their custody, had questioned him until his lawyer showed up. Within an hour after his release from their custody, he was back at work, probably violating yet another helpless person.

Probably violating them like he had violated her.

She stared at the picture, thinking back to twenty-four hours ago when, during her undercover operation, she had experienced something so scary and traumatizing, something that was causing the thoughts in her head to scramble in a jumbled-up mess as she tried to process what happened. But, she knew there was no processing this, at least night right now. It had only been twenty-four hours, and for now, she couldn't stop thinking about it. She could hear his gravelly voice as he led her down the rusty steps, chipped paint crushing beneath their steps as she was pushed to a more secluded area. She could feel his breath on her ear, she could feel the force of his grip on her arm and her face.

She could feel it all.

Tears blurred her vision as she kept staring at the picture. She tried to figure out how she had gotten into such a situation. _I'm a sex crimes detective; how did this happen to me?_ She kept asking herself. She was already doing the exact thing that she told victims to never do – blaming herself. She knew she couldn't do that. When she had been undercover, she was Katrina – a drug addict sentenced to five years at the worst, most overcrowded hell hole of a women's prison in the entire state of New York. She had no rights, no power; nothing. She was a piece of meat in that prison. She was something for the guards to enjoy and have their way with.

 _You couldn't have done anything to protect yourself, Liv._ That was what she kept telling herself, but no matter what, the self-blame would creep back onto her.

Nobody other than one other person knew what happened in that basement. _Fin –_ Fin was the only person that knew, and he knew because he was the one who rescued her and stopped the assault from going to the worst possible extreme. Nobody else knew – not her captain, not Munch, not Lake, not Casey, and especially not _him._

 _Elliot –_ she couldn't tell him what happened. He would go ballistic and possibly treat her like a victim, and she didn't want to deal with that.

 _You are a victim though, Liv._ Her subconscious screamed at her and she closed her eyes, allowing a couple tears to slide down her cheeks. She quickly wiped them away before anyone had the chance to see, and she continued to stare into the eyes of her attacker. She knew this wasn't healthy. She'd probably not sleep tonight if she kept staring at this picture like this. _Hell, I'm not sleeping anyway._ She thought to herself, breathing out.

She heard footsteps approaching her desk and she quickly composed herself, putting the picture down onto her desk and quickly wiping a stray tear away. From the sound of the footsteps and the scent of cologne that washed over her a second later, she knew that it was only one person that had come to talk to her.

"You okay?"

God, that deep Brooklyn accent. It always made her heart swell, even when she felt so incredibly low right now.

' _You okay?'_

His question echoed through her head. She wasn't okay, but he didn't have to know that;

"Yeah," she ran her hand through her short hair as she glanced at him, a perplexed expression on her face; "What are you doing here?"

"Avoiding diaper duty," his response made her chuckle; she watched as he rested his hands on her desk and leaned closer, "Need a lift?"

She knew that those bright blue eyes were staring at her; she could feel them as she looked back at the picture on her desk.

"No thanks, I'm gonna stay a while." She glanced at him before looking at the picture again. She could her eyes watering, but she quickly wiped the tear away before it would slip down her cheek.

"You'll get Harris." He whispered, nudging her slightly. She avoided his gaze, her eyes continuing to trail over the picture as she tucked a bit of hair behind her ear.

"For excessive force at best," she sighed out; "But more likely he'll be transferred and promoted."

"Is he already back at work?"

She looked up at him, nodding her head; "Yeah."

His blue eyes were staring into hers, she could already see the concern. She couldn't have him looking at her, trying to read her and find out what was wrong. She broke eye contact and looked back at the picture again, her shoulders slumped as she leaned her elbows on her desk.

She heard him sigh, but she wasn't prepared for his next question;

"What happened in the basement?"

She froze for a second. She felt the knots in her stomach tighten, her heart began to beat a little faster, she trembled ever so slightly. She thought about looking up at him and spilling out everything that had happened. She thought about looking up at him and attempting to lie to him even though she knew he could read her like a book. She knew she needed to talk to somebody about this, but she simply couldn't face this or deal with it right now. She needed to deal with this herself, to find the strength inside herself again because right now, it was gone, and she felt powerless.

"Nothing," the lie rolled off her tongue so easily, she glanced up at him; "I'm fine, El."

He gazed into her eyes; she knew that he was reading her and trying to see whether she was lying. However, before he could press further, her desk phone rang. _Saved by the bell._ She thought to herself as she picked up the phone; "Detective Benson."

A few moments later, she hung up the phone, muttered about Ashley Tyler being awake. She squeezed his arm as she grabbed her keys, then rushed out of the squad room. She could feel his gaze on her as she rushed out, but she didn't dare look back. One look at those blue eyes for longer than a second and she would break, and that was something she just couldn't deal with right now. She was going to see Ashley Tyler right now, then she was going home to get some rest – some much-needed rest.

* * *

After the visit to the hospital to check up on Ashley, Olivia headed straight home. She did the normal routine; lock her door – chain and all- then turn the floor lamp on, toss her bag aside, then make her way to her bedroom. She put her badge and gun onto the dresser, before then grabbing some pajama shorts and one of Elliot's long, USMC t-shirts that he had left at hers a while back. She then made her way into the en suite bathroom and flicked the light on, looking forward to taking a long shower to help her relax.

She switched the shower on to give it time to heat up, before ridding herself of her clothing. She happened to look up in the mirror as she undressed, only to freeze when she saw the bruises on her stomach and jaw from the force of Lowell Harris's blows. She touched the healing, yellowish bruise on her stomach, wincing slightly as pain shot through her.

 _She remembered doubling over in pain as Harris delivered a blow to her stomach with his baton._

The bruise on her cheek was still a little sore but she could deal with it.

 _She remembered Harris delivering a blow to her jaw as well._

She swallowed hard before quickly undressing the rest of the way. She stepped into her walk-in shower, allowing the warm water to rain over her and wash away the stresses of the day.

Well, normally a shower _would_ wash away the stress, but she still felt just as tense and anxious as she did when this whole nightmare began over twenty-four hours earlier.

 _She could hear her heart pounding in her chest as Harris led her down to the secluded basement. Her eyes widened, and the bile rose within her throat when she caught sight of the mattress. His voice was whispering in her ear, panic began setting in as it dawned on her what was about to happen. His grip tightened as she tried to fight back, though she was powerless as in their eyes, she was simply an unruly inmate. She had no badge, she had no gun, and had no idea where Fin was._

Olivia blinked, shaking her head as the water continued to flow out of the showerhead and rain down over her. She took a deep breath, leaning against the shower wall;

 _He grabbed her arm and cuffed her to the door, she screamed for help, but no one could hear her. He shoved her onto the ground and blocked her way. "Bite me and you're dead." He spoke as he unbuttoned his pants. He grabbed hold of her head, pushing her head closer and closer…_

"No!"

Her scream resonated through the empty apartment. She was crouched on the floor of her shower, her knees hunched up, her nails digging into her palms a she tried to take some deep breaths. She squeezed her eyes shut and she was trying to breathe, trying to remind herself that she was safe now.

"You're not here, Harris; you're not here – you're just in my head!" she kept telling herself.

She could almost hear his voice, mocking her with his deep gravelly voice; _"I'll always be in your head, you filthy whore."_

It took a few minutes of deep breathing and simply sitting on the floor until the water ran cold before Olivia could pull herself up. She shut the water off and wrapped a fluffy pink towel around herself as best she could even though she was still a bit sore. She made her way over to the bathroom counter and quickly pulled on some underwear and the pajama shorts and t-shirt, avoiding her reflection in the mirror as she refused to look at the bruises that were present from Harris and the basement situation.

She towel dried her wet hair quickly before finally making her way out of the bathroom. She took a glance at her bed, swallowing slightly before shaking her head, deciding that it would be another night on the sofa as she couldn't stand sleeping in her bed yet. She grabbed her gun – as she always did for protection purposes – before grabbing a pillow and blanket from her closet, as well as her stuffed teddy bear that had a USMC t-shirt on it's fluffy body (a random gift from Elliot a couple years earlier before their big fall out that led to her transfer and undercover stint). She made her way into the living room and put her gun onto the coffee table, before sorting out her pillow and blanket on her couch as well so that it looked decent enough to sleep on.

She turned the floor lamp out, the only light in the room now being the glow of the television. Some random cartoon was on, but Olivia wasn't paying attention. She was under the covers and now staring at the ceiling, and the thoughts were rolling through her head.

 _She could hear the clinking of the chains._

 _She could hear his heavy breathing and footsteps as he searched to find her amongst the basement clutter._

 _She could hear the clink of the handcuffs as he cuffed her to the door._

 _She could hear the zipper of his pants._

" _Bite me and you're dead."_

She sat up quickly, taking a few deep breaths as she felt her heartrate begin to increase. She pulled her knees up and put her head in her hands, only to suddenly become distracted by a knock at her door.

With a perplexed expression on her face, Olivia grabbed her gun and slowly made her way to the door. She checked the peephole, only to roll her eyes when she caught sight of who it was.

 _Elliot._

She looked at the clock on the stove; it was nearly eleven – so what the hell was he doing here?

She unlocked the door and pulled it open, giving a raised eyebrow when she saw him standing there. He was still in his black trousers and black shoes, and the white shirt with the purple tie and black jacket – exactly what he had worn to work.

"Why aren't you at home?" she questioned, stepping aside so that he could come inside.

"For one, I'm too tired to drive to Queens, and two, I wanted to make sure you were okay." He replied.

"I'm fine." She responded, almost automatically, as she shut and locked the door before quickly turning the floor lamp back on. She put her gun back onto the coffee table before speaking again, "My bed is yours, what's mine is yours – so if you want something to eat or drink or whatever."

"I'm not taking your bed from you, Liv." Elliot yawned as he dropped the keys onto the coffee table. The rattling sound the keys made as they hit the surface made Olivia jump, and this didn't go unnoticed by Elliot.

"You okay?" he asked.

"I said I'm fine," she told him, "Now, take my bed."

"Liv, I'm not taking your bed – the couch is mine." He told her, his blue eyes pouring into her own brown ones.

"El, I'm not even using my bed as you can see," she gestured to the pillow and blanket on the couch, "Go, my bed is comfortable."

Elliot looked at the couch then looked back at her. Olivia could see the concern grow deeper in his oceanic blue eyes, and a sigh escaped her lips. The question was coming in three, two, one…

"Liv, why are you sleeping on your couch?"

"Because I want to." She replied, shrugging as she sat down. Elliot raised an eyebrow before sitting down beside her.

"Olivia, talk to me." His voice was laced with pure concern and he'd just used her full name, something that he only did when he was extremely worried.

"El, there's nothing to talk about."

"Bullshit."

"Excuse me?" she gave a raised eyebrow.

"Liv, I know you far too well so don't lie to me," he told her, "What's going on?"

"Elliot-"

"Olivia, please, don't shut me out."

Olivia swallowed, tears filling her eyes as she glanced at the ground. She knew that she could no longer lie to Elliot and as much as she hated to admit it, she needed him right now. She just needed her best friend, needed him to simply hold her and tell her it would be okay.

Because right now, it was far from okay.

She let out a shaky breath before standing up and turning to him. Her hands shook as she grabbed the hem of the top she was wearing and slowly lifted it up, enough to reveal the yellowish bruise on her stomach, the discoloration still sticking out against her olive skin tone.

Elliot's eyes went wide, and a gasp escaped his lips, his gaze flicking from the bruise and up to her face.

Olivia said nothing. Tears slipped down her cheeks as she turned around, showing him a yellowish healing bruise on her back as well. She then let the shirt drop before holding out her wrists, allowing him to see the bruising that had set in from the handcuffs being too tight. She sniffled slightly, tears dripping off her face and onto the plush carpeting of her floor. She couldn't look at Elliot right now; she didn't want him to think of her as weak.

" _I need to know you can do your job and not wait for me to come to the rescue!"_ the words he had screamed at her a couple years earlier raced throughout her head, causing her to close her eyes as more tears fell down her face.

"Olivia."

"I'm so much stronger than this, Elliot; I swear I am and I can do my job." she sniffled, keeping her head down as she simply refused to look at him.

"Liv," she heard him stand up, and suddenly felt the strong arms wrap around her tiny frame; "Liv, look at me."

She shook her head, burying her face into his chest. She swallowed hard, gripping his shirt, inhaling the scent of his cologne that always made her feel so safe and calm.

"Liv, I know you can do your job; you're one of the strongest people I know," his deep voice spoke softly in her ear, his warm breath ghosting over her ear, "I don't think of you as weak because of this, but I just want you to tell me what happened."

She tensed up and fear immediately consumed Elliot. He was worried that the worst possible thing had happened to her and either she was refusing to admit it, or she feared what he would do when she did tell him. Everyone around the one-six knew that Elliot and Olivia were like two peas in a pod and would practically die for each other, so it was no secret that if something happened to one of them, the other would fight to the death to find out what happened and get some sort of justice.

After a few moments, Olivia finally lifted her head to look up into the blue eyes of her best friend. He reached a strong hand up to cup her face, using the pad of his thumb to wipe the tears away from her beautiful brown eyes. He helped her to sit down before rushing to the kitchen quickly to grab a couple bottles of water. He returned to the sofa and sat beside her, handing her one before taking her hand gently in his, rubbing the soft skin with his thumb.

"What happened in the basement?"

Olivia swallowed hard, taking a deep breath before finally speaking;

"The prison went onto lockdown because of the testing that was needed, and I just was saying about how the prisoners should be told what's going on, so…so…they started clearing us out and pinning us down, and because they saw me as the ring leader, Harris came into the picture. He grabbed me and I thought he was taking me back to my cell, but, that wasn't the case,"

She felt Elliot's grip on her hand tighten as she talked, and she fought the overwhelming nausea and anxiety that was rising within her as she continued;

"He led me to the basement and I tried to apologize, but it was no use. I saw the mattress and I knew what was going to happen. He pushed me down and I just kept trying to fight. Elliot, I kicked, and I screamed, but he kept saying no one would hear me and he held me against the wall, trying to force himself on me – I guess he got off on me struggling."

She glanced at him; he was staring at their joined hands, but she could see the vein in his neck, throbbing as the anger began coursing through his veins. She thought about stopping, but he rubbed her hand with his thumb, urging her to continue.

So, she continued;

"He pushed me down again, but I got up and I hit him as hard as I could, then I ran. I ran the wrong way, so I had to hide, and I thought maybe if I hid for long enough, maybe he would turn his back again and I could sneak up on him. Well, he found me, and I tried to just talk my way out of it and stuff; that's when he hit me – hence the bruises on my stomach and my back. I hit him again and ran to the door, and I was pounding on it and screaming for help. Elliot, I swear, I screamed."

The tears began to slip down her cheeks again, her body started to shake with emotion. She felt Elliot shuffle closer and loop his arm around her shoulders, gently stroking her arm as she continued speaking,

"He caught me and hit me across the face, and then cuffed my wrist to the door so I couldn't move. I can still see him unzipping his pants, I can hear him saying that I was dead if I bit him. He grabbed my head and tried to force me, I screamed for him to stop, I was crying – I just knew that nobody was going to save me. If Fin hadn't gotten there when he did…"

She suddenly broke down completely, sobs wracking her body as she buried her face into her hands. Elliot pulled her against him, both of his arms wrapped tightly around her while his cheek rested on top of her head. He stroked her back, his muscles tensing as he tightened his grip on her whilst he whispered that she was okay and safe now. He pressed a light kiss to her forehead and kept holding her, closing his eyes as visions of him beating Harris to a bloody pulp danced throughout his mind.

Nobody hurt Olivia and got away with it. He never did stand for anyone making threats towards her or even so much as lunging at her. The fact that this bastard had not only physically hurt her, but he had sexually assaulted her as well, and that – in Elliot's mind – was a death wish.

If he ever got his hands on Lowell Harris, it certainly wouldn't be good. He was going to kill him; end of.

"I'll kill him." He mumbled out loud. Olivia shook her head, turning into him as she curled up against his warmth. Elliot grabbed the blanket and pulled it across them, refusing to leave this spot now. He was going to keep hold of her as long as she would let him; he wanted her to feel safe.

" _I just wanna make sure Liv is safe."_ The words echoed through his mind, a reminder of a time where things were so strained between them. Despite being strained, he still worried about her when she wasn't in his sight. It was his job to keep her safe, and now – though he had no reason to do so – he felt so guilty. He hadn't protected her, and now she was hurting – physically and mentally.

The two sat in silence for about half an hour. Elliot had been absentmindedly staring at the television, and Olivia had finally stopped trembling and sniffling. He looked down to see she had fallen asleep and was still gripping his shirt. Despite her eyes being red and puffy and the obvious tear stains on her face, she had never looked more peaceful and beautiful. He breathed out, swallowing before kissing her forehead as he tucked some of her hair behind her ear. He tried to maneuver her down onto the sofa so that she would be comfortable, but she stirred, gripping his arm as she whispered;

"Elliot, please just hold me."

He didn't have to think twice about the answer. He kicked his shoes off and removed his belt and tie, before laying down behind her and pulling the blankets over them. She rolled over and gripped his shirt again, burying her face into his chest. He kissed the top of her head again, whispering to her;

"I'll hold you forever, Liv; I promise."

 _Finished._

* * *

 ** _Hope you guys enjoyed this. I might post an actual fic with chapters soon, if you guys want. I have a little something that I'm working on._**

 ** _Until next time xoxo_**


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